Today, I blog.

It’s been more than three years since I wrote my first blog post. It’s something that I was so excited about doing, but I didn’t continue. I often thought about blogging but couldn’t bring myself to do it. The strange part is that I want to write. So why, you ask, did I not blog? After reflecting on the past few years, including my first blog post, I have been allowing a failure narrative to play on repeat in my mind, constantly telling me of where I dropped the ball, could have done better, or missed the mark completely. That perpetuated that fear of failure that has kept me from freely living my life, including not writing for my blog. Today, I am taking a step toward living more freely. So, today, I blog!

This blog serves many purposes for me, and my hope is that you will gain from my sharing. I am writing as a way to live courageously. Fear has been an overarching theme in my life since early adulthood. I’ll talk more about that at another time. Publishing this post is my way of writing despite the negative thoughts that kept me from writing until now. So, I win! I am also writing to encourage others, which I plan to do through various topics on counseling and mental health, social justice, and Christian faith. As I continue work on my second master’s degree and begin work as a counselor, this blog gives me a space to improve my writing and communication skills and to tell the world who I am and how I can help. As I integrate my Christian faith with my future career as a counselor, I hope that this blog inspires people to move toward a healthier mental and spiritual wellness.

So, that’s why I’m blogging! Today, I challenge you to consider:

• Do you have a fear that’s causing you to avoid or dismiss something that you want to do?
• How will your life be different if you choose to live courageously by doing that thing you’re avoiding despite the fear you feel?
• What’s the first step you can take toward facing that fear and living courageously?
• Will you set a goal for when you will take that first step? (I encourage you to tell someone your goal who can help you stay accountable.)

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) – For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.

This blog post was my way of tossing aside fear, “putting on my big girl panties,” and doing one thing that I believe I need to do. I am taking a stance against living fearfully in order to live freely, as God intends. Scripture teaches that God doesn’t want fear to rule our lives, and that He wants us to live powerfully, lovingly, and strongly. So, today, I blog.

Why I Kept Going

Last weekend was one that was fairly emotional for me, as in, exciting, joyous, and filled with thankful reflection. I participated in my Master’s Degree graduation ceremony, and it was Mother’s Day weekend. Graduate school and mothering have been two of the hardest tasks that God has charged me with. This weekend, especially while traveling to Virginia for graduation, I had time to think about my successes and failures, my ups and downs, and my joys and sorrows as a student and a mother. Across time, many people weighed in on how they felt about my chosen actions, especially as a grad student.

Standing with Liberty Mountain (Candler’s Mountain) I’m the background

Over the years, I have received different reactions from people, including disbelief, amazement, and admiration that I took on such a task as grad school. I’ve been told that it is unbelievable that I could complete another degree with my many less than favorable circumstances. Well, I admit. It was beyond difficult, and it took almost seven years to accomplish. Some people “encouraged” me to give up. Why? Because of my circumstances… “You need to focus on your four kids.” “You’re in a difficult relationship.” “You know how sick you’ve been.” “You know you are mentally and emotionally stressed.” Well, guess what. I refused to give up (despite all the “encouragement”). Why? Glad you asked. Well, I have three things that motivated me to keep striving.
First, I believed that I was doing this because God called me and gifted me to be a counselor. So, with my desire to please Him, I believed that I must continue to push through and to have faith in His plan for my life. Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) says, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” I’m all for God prospering me and for having hope and a future! I learned that despite my circumstance, I have a God who will not only get me through but who will give me what I need to advance to the next level.

Second, my children were watching me. Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV) says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Through my process, I often thought of my own desires for my children! I know that I want them to work at being great. I want them to go for their dreams. I want them to push through the trials and tests, the heartaches, the abuse, and the discomfort. I believe it is my job to demonstrate to them what I want for them. I kept in mind that my example is what they will follow, so I acted accordingly.

Lastly, I kept going because I needed to encourage myself. I believe that once you accomplish something, it builds momentum for you to do more. I needed to prove to myself that I could do it, that I had faith and strength to do whatever I strike out to do. I needed to see that I could finish what I started. I knew that there were lessons built into my journey that I had to learn. I had an internal motivation that refused to allow me to throw-in the towel. I needed that to build up my own broken, beaten, and hurt self. 1 Samuel 30:6 (ESV) says, “And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord.” You cannot depend on people to cheer you on and to push you toward your goals. At some point, you must dig deep inside yourself, muster up the strength, and cheer yourself on past the finish line.
So, today, I challenge you to:

1. Find your motivations. Think of God’s plan for you. If you don’t know it, ask Him; He will show you. James 1:5 (NKJV) says, “If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
2. Be an example for your children, your nieces and nephews, and your students.
3. Be your own encourager. Find that internal motivation to go and get what you want out of life.

Peace and Love.